To that little girl who was never good enough

It’s been a while since I’ve last posted anything. Mostly because I’ve been trying to block out life as it’s just too much at times.

Anyway, a lot has happened. Some of which has been positive and some has left that feeling of being unsettled and not good enough.

I’ve passed another year of uni which means two years left and then possibly teacher training. I say possibly because I still don’t feel that I’ll ever be good enough to be a teacher and that people are waiting for me to fail just so they can say they told me so. This definitely has those strong links to being a child and being told I’m stupid and that nobody will ever want me around. This feeling has definitely never left me and while I do love my job moving around a lot always makes me feel that I’m not good enough to be allowed in a year group. Those feelings of being told constantly that nobody likes you really do stay with a person and this has honestly left lasting damage to work and other relationships as I’m always on edge.

Life as we know is never straightforward and that’s what is supposed to build that resilience which creates a stronger person. It’s just a shame that when I do feel unsettled and like I’m not good enough it’s brushed off and I’m often left feeling even worse than before. I’m definitely still finding it hard to know who to trust and this has left that isolated feeling even greater.

Still nothing is permanent and I know that I can do more than I ever imagined possible even if I’m doing it alone with people just pretending that they are being supportive. I just wish that I could have that security and support that so many have.

As always stay safe and look after each other. Those with support don’t know how lucky they are