It’s just all too much

Hello

It’s been such a long time since I lasted posted anything and to be honest it’s all too much for me at the moment. Even work is proving to be causing me stress like I’ve never felt.

Maybe it’s me and it’s actually my fault. Perhaps I deserve having this stress in my life. No matter what I do it’s just never good enough for anyone and it never will be.

No matter how hard I try people are always picking at me. My sister is continuously saying the absolute worst things about me and expecting me to do everything for her. If I refuse it caused nothing but her screaming at me and about me about what an awful person I am and how everything that is wrong in her life is down to me. People constantly expect so much from me and I get absolutely nothing in return.

At work something that I thought was positive is being spun by others into negatives and I just can’t cope anymore. I am honestly trying so hard to manage my time and to ensure I am doing my job to the best of my ability. But instead of getting support from those who should be offering it I am getting negative comments about how I asked for something and I’ve been given it so therefore trying to balance two different job roles in one setting is somehow my own fault and therefore I should just get on with it.

Even with my uni work I am struggling now because I constantly feel like I do not have enough time to get my work done as I’m doing everything for everyone else and if I don’t do it nothing will get done and it will still somehow be my fault. I’m not even sure that I want to carry on with this degree anymore and I’m constantly doubting my abilities I’m not only my job role but as a person.

As I sit here and write this I wonder who the reliable people rely on when it’s all too much?