Sometimes you just need to ask for help.

Two posts in one week. What can I say I’m spoiling you all.

To be serious today I have struggled more than ever with my mental health it all started yesterday to be honest. When my sister said that I never say I love you to anyone or anything. Now to be fist love is a very strong word and I’ve never had a reason to love anyone or anything. So that left me feeling a bit low and wondering if there is something wrong with me.

Today I found it difficult to concentrate and thought I’d put the TV unit together. I’m definitely more than capable of putting things together and if I had waited for y other sister she would have shouted and called me useless when trying to help. (It’s bad enough I feel that way most of the time as it is). So as I put the wooden dowels in they broke. Trying to be helpful never pays. So I tell my sister and know she will be in a mood when she gets home. She made me feel so worthless it was unreal. But like I said if she had helped she would have still make me feel this way. Plus she is joy patient so would have become annoyed at the unit and the same thing would have happened.

To cut a long story short I ended up feeling the lowest I have felt in a very long time. The holidays always suck for me and not having many friends to rely on or see makes it all so much worse. There is nothing worse than the feelings of isolation. So anyway I ended up crying (those who know me know I’m not someone who cries very easily).

That feeling left me feeling very very low. Not suicidal but I have an understanding of why people just walk away from their lives without a trace. I definitely feel that way. This feeling I knew wasn’t great for me so I did something right and contacts the Samaritans. Who were absolutely amazing. They didn’t make me feel like my problems were nothing. This is something that people I know can do at times.

So tomorrow I’m going to contact the GP and ask to be put back on the antidepressants. I can’t escape from my life right now hit I know there are things I can do to help.

When everyone looks at me like I’m strange for saying I want to get as far away from London as I can please understand that this is so I can start fresh with my life and while it’s some way off. I know that when I get there it will be the best thing for me. But for now I just need to focus on getting there. Once I’m there some of my ‘old’ life can then be cut away or torn away like an old plaster.

It definitely feels good to get that out. I just don’t want anyone to ever use my mental health as a reason to exclude me from things or to think that I’m not able to achieve. That is definitely not true. I will get there and there will always be bumps in the road.

As always stay safe and look after each other.