Acceptance

I know I said that I was signing off for the summer but, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days, both looking at the past and looking to the future. The past is important as it has shaped who I am, not always for the better, especially with how my anxiety and depression. But it has shaped me for the positive as well, it has definitely made me a more determined person and although it is very difficult at times I know that I can do all of the things I was told I could never achieve.

Of course my past still impacts my future and my present. When I am asked things or told things it can still send me into a spiral, even if it is positive. My mind will still suddenly go back to that young child being told I’m useless or that nobody likes me. I know that this is part of who I am and I have to just accept this.

Although I know that this a part of who I am I know that it can have a negative impact on relationship and friendships. Which is something I have mentioned before. Trust is such a huge issue for me and I find it so difficult to know who to trust. I am sure most people want to help me and be supportive. However, it is difficult to know who is talking about me behind my back (years of being told that no one likes you air wants to be your friend will do that to a person).

Even with work although there are lots of positive things happening my mind still manages to turn them into a negative. I know at work I was starting to feel not so much bored in my role but knew I needed more of a challenge and when this was given to me my mind went into overdrive and I felt for a long time that I was not good enough and not wanted and while I loved being given a new role, for a number of reasons I could not sink my teeth into it over the last term and that did not really help my confidence especially as at times I definitely felt that I was just a spare part.

Still September is going to bring some fresh challenges for me and although I will very busy I plan to just do my best and really try to sink my teeth into the challenges I’ve been given and hopefully be on my way to teacher training in a few years time.

As always stay safe and look after each other