And breathe

This week has definitely been a bit wobbly for me. I’ve felt low for a lot of the week and being screamed at by the youngest sister doesn’t help. I’ve had to remember that while some of us take responsibility for our own actions and accept that, others will always try to blame everyone around them for their problems and not take any responsibility for themselves.

It’s taken a lot for me to remember this week,that I am not completely useless, nor am I a waste of space. When you get that said to you it really does impact everything and feeling low about myself already had a huge knock on effect to how I’ve felt about my abilities at work and life in general. I think the hardest thing has been youngest sister thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to treat people like rubbish then behave as though they have done nothing wrong and it is the fault of those around her, while still expecting people to be at her beck and call for everything and then have a tantrum when told no.

Anyway, today has so far been spent sorting out my things and throwing a lot of stuff out. I am desperately trying to minimise the amount of stuff I own. I’m feeling the less I have the less I will have to take with me and the less people will notice about me. Also I hate clutter and mess, which was a huge sign for me that my mental health was on a decline.

I’m still having those anxious feelings at work that I’m not good enough and one day I will be told there’s not a space for me anymore. I’m think that feeling comes from years of being told I’m not good enough and people do not like me.

I know that I really do need to start focusing on myself again because if not I will end up in an awful spiral and I really don’t want to go back there again.

As always stay safe and look each other.