Reflections.

Hello everyone.

With my progress through depression and anxiety I always try to reflect on things. It’s the main reason for this blog, a way to get out my thoughts and feelings without having to really speak and just a way to process life.

One of the biggest things I am reflecting on at the moms is my own school days. This has proved to be quite difficult and emotional. Throughout secondary school I was bullied a lot, I think I have mentioned this in a previous blog. It was not an easy time and anyone who has experienced bullying will know this. Being a teenager is never easy and being a teenager while growing up around violence and having parents that did not let you experience those years properly made it even more difficult. Not being able to go out with friends at the weekend and after school made you stand out a lot.

All of this eventually had an impact on my learning and I dreaded school and home. Something that very few people know about me (in fact I think only two people know this) is that my life got to a point where I would self harm. Looking back I wish I had a person I could talk to about what I had going on but I was more or less friendless and the friends I did have I felt I couldn’t talk to. I went to school at a time before pastoral teams existed. (I cannot praise pastoral teams enough for the work that they do to support children). This was also a time when it appeared that teachers had very little time for students especially in secondary school.

One of the reasons I went into childcare (despite my careers advisor saying I would never be able to work with children and other teachers preparing to write me off as a teenage parent) was to be able to support children as much as I can.

All of these experiences have had an impact on how I am around people and I still find it difficult to make friends due to not knowing if I can trust them. This often results in so many people thinking I’m rude or that there is something wrong with me. My current job is definitely the place where I have made the most friendships and I know that I do have people I can trust and talk to.

It’s a bit of a waffling post today. But as always stay safe xx