Everything feels so out of place at the moment. I’m not sure if it’s to do with the lockdown restrictions easing and a feeling of relief that some sort of normality might just come back or if it’s professional changes. Whatever it is I’m feeling very lost at the moment. I’m not enjoying the things I would usually enjoy and I’m a lot more distracted than usual.
I’m starting to feel like I don’t belong and I don’t fit anywhere anymore and it is definitely making me question so much. Although I do go through phases like this. It is the first time in a long time that I have felt that I do not belong. I’ve always struggled to fit in with people and groups. Anxiety does that to a person as does being bullied. This is something I went through a lot at school due to many different factors. Being skinny resulted in the most vicious of comments and then not being able to tell anybody about what was going on at home meant I mostly kept myself to myself so was labelled as weird. I was definitely a target for any bully that came my way.
I still get those feelings of being whispered about and mostly I can and do ignore it but there have been times when it’s actually made me feel so worthless. As I’ve said in previous posts I’m not the loudest but it does not mean that I do not have feelings and sometimes even ideas. I am just feeling so lost at the moment and a part of me is feeling alone too. Even when I went out last week for socially distanced outdoor drinks I felt like I was detached from myself and wasn’t really there. I know they lay this feeling will pass but I just needed to get it out there.
Journeying through mental health 