So this week has been a very negative one for me. I’ve not felt myself all week and a lot of it has stemmed from feeling insecure and paranoid (never a good mix). I’ve never felt massively confident in my abilities in my job role and spend a lot of my time feeling like someone is going to tell me that I’m a failure and I’m not wanted anymore.
This week I’ve definitely felt that people are whispering about me behind my back which all stems from saying something that may not have been heard and then someone else sharing my idea and the person who did hear me saying that I had already said it. Obviously not being the loudest person in the room often means that I’m not heard so my ideas may be missed or possibly ignored.
Not being the loudest person has always been an issue of mine. I genuinely cannot be louder than I am and I have tried. This proved to be a problem when people think I’m rude or very serious. Those who know me well know that this is not true and know that I have a wicked sense of humour.
Feeling paranoid about people speaking about me has really impacted my mood and I’ve not wanted to be around anybody. There are other factors that show that I may not be as paranoid as I think. Being bullied throughout school definitely plays a part in how I feel around people and the distrust I can have.
To get over this I have thrown myself into my studies and tried to remind myself that I may not be the best at my job and people may talk about me but I do have a good support network of people who do care and I just need to remember my goals.
Journeying through mental health 