It’s been a little while since I’ve posted anything. Nothing much has changed for me. Lockdown has had no impact on my life I’m still in work every day. The biggest thing I miss is socialising with friends. But on a whole I feel happier in myself, even if the cat is costing me an absolute fortune a month now. (Good thing I love him).
For a while I’ve been feeling an emptiness and could never really pinpoint what it was. Obviously depression and anxiety do not help. I’ve tried a dozen hobbies and although my studies keep me busy and it’s all part of a long term goal it doesn’t stop the empty feeling.
I’ve started to realise that I’ve never actually had a serious relationship mostly due to being scared that all men would be like my dad now it’s hit me hard that not every man is going to be like him and I wonder if I’ve missed my opportunity to ever find someone that I can have a relationship with. It’s the same with wanting children most people know that I’ve always said I don’t want children this is again due to fears. I’ve always worried that I would have the same parenting style that I was brought up with. Amazingly when I was younger all I wanted was marriage and children. Life jaded me so much that I definitely think I’ve missed my opportunities for both.
I think seeing how happy my friends are in relationships has made me realise that when lockdown finally ends I need to do more to put myself first.
Definitely not a poor me post just getting it out there. As always stay safe and take care
Journeying through mental health 